you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
