I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
