My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
