the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize