I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
