I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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