and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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