She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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