I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize