So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
