me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
