so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
