So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
