Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
