I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
