I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
