Where is the hickey?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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