I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
