dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
PANTIES FOUND
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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