did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
