Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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