I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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