Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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