he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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