You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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