Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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