I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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