swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize