You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
