I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
