So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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