I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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