forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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