A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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