I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
