I wannas sexs uuuuu
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
