my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
