In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
