WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
