Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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