he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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