My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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