the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
