i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
