Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
