There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
