is your mom at the bar?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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