How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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