Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
