it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
