He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Of course I have a pirate flag
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
