He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
