But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
