woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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