Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize