i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its about making memories worth repressing
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
