I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
