they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
