I'm going to jail i love you
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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